How To Clap Back At Work Without Getting Sent To HR

Want to serve corporate shade with ruthless precision—without stepping outside HR’s safe zone? Here’s how to build a toolkit of subtle, efficient, and devastatingly effective comebacks, perfect for neurodivergent professionals forced to spar in power games they never signed up for. Why bother with subtlety? Because obvious shade is for amateurs. We’re here to get results, not just reactions.

Know Their Tricks: Key Fallacies to Watch For

Many office power plays rely on logical fallacies—flawed arguments that sound convincing but fall apart under scrutiny. When you can spot these, you’re less likely to be manipulated or steamrolled in meetings.

Fallacy Name	What It Looks Like at Work	How to Use It or Call It Out
Ad Hominem	Attacking you, not your idea	“Let’s focus on the idea, not the person presenting it.”
Strawman	Misrepresenting your suggestion to make it look bad	“That’s not what I said—let’s clarify my actual point.”
Appeal to Authority	“Because the boss said so”	“Can we see the data behind that decision?”
Bandwagon	“Everyone else is doing it”	“Let’s make sure it’s right for us, not just trendy.”
False Dilemma	“We only have two options”	“Are there other solutions we haven’t considered?”
Slippery Slope	“If we do this, everything will collapse!”	“Let’s take it one step at a time and review the evidence.”
Circular Reasoning	“It’s true because it’s true”	“Can we dig a little deeper into the reasoning here?”
Red Herring	Changing the subject to avoid the real issue	“Let’s get back to the main question.”
Loaded Question	“Why are you always late?” (when you’re not)	“Can you clarify what you mean by ‘always’?”
Appeal to Emotion	“If you cared, you’d agree with me”	“Let’s look at the facts, not just feelings.”

Logic

Once you recognize these fallacies, you can mirror them back (with a wink) or gently expose them for what they are. This is especially effective for neurodivergent folks who notice patterns and inconsistencies others miss. Use Socratic questioning to make someone’s argument unravel itself.

Learning from history: shade with a toga and a smirk

Lucian of Samosata is your ancient-world blueprint for savage, subversive wit. He could give a masterclass in how to roast, undermine, and expose hypocrisy with style, not spite. Channel Lucian.

Lucian’s Move	Corporate Translation	Use Case Example
Parody of the gods	Mocking corporate rituals	“If I had a dollar for every time I heard ‘synergy’ in a meeting, I could retire early.”
Irony-laced praise	Complimenting incompetence	“Your attention to detail is truly… unique.”
Exaggerated storytelling	Inflating office legends	“Legend says you once replied to an email.”
Dialogues that unravel logic	Socratic questioning in meetings	“Walk me through that again—slowly.”
Mocking pretension	Calling out performative expertise	“You must be exhausted from all that thought leadership.”

If you’re going to throw a punch, punch up

Lucian didn’t just mock individuals—he lampooned whole systems. Don’t reinforce tired power structures—break them, elegantly. Get specific, get creative, and leave the lazy insults to the basic bitches.

In the workplace, it looks like this: mimic the jargon or rituals of the office to highlight their ridiculousness.

Example: “Ah, another visionary pivot to synergize our verticals!

The best shade is ambiguous

We had to learn that people don’t mean what they say and don’t say what they mean. For once, it’s your turn to force people to read between the lines. Plausible deniability is your friend. It’s called double entendre in French. You get to say what you mean (for those who are paying attention), while everyone else is left wondering if you really meant it that way.

Tip: Use deadpan or exaggerated praise to highlight incompetence or hypocrisy.

True story: a friend of mine started asking “but is it good for the company” and managers started using it unironically. “Is this good for the company?” comes from Office Space and it is a satirical catchphrase used by clueless managers to justify pointless or soul-crushing corporate decisions. It exposes how empty business jargon is often used to avoid real accountability and critical thinking. Beautiful double entendre scaled up! It truly was an “if you know, you know” moment for those who read between the lines.

Niche insults

Neurodivergent folks often spot patterns and inconsistencies others miss. Use this to craft hyper-specific, devastatingly accurate shade. What you are going for is not just shade; it’s a performance review in a sentence. Warning: don’t get so specific you look obsessed.

Effortless Delivery

The more casual and unconcerned you appear, the more your words sting. I should know, I accidentally do that a lot due to my neurodivergence. I learned to master it in some cases but it’s not always easy when emotional regulation is not my forté. Desperation is not a good look. If you seem invested, you’ve already lost. The real flex? Delivering your line with a shrug and a smile, then moving on like you barely noticed.

Whisper, don’t type

Shade is best served with witnesses, but only if you’re sure it’ll land as witty, not mean-spirited. Quite often, it’s best to reserve these things for meetings or watercooler talk. Careful though, if your watercooler is Slack, you should keep in mind that those records are read by more people than you think.

Build your kit

Situation	Deploy This Line	Why It Works
Someone one-ups you	“I admire your confidence—no matter the outcome.”	Compliment with a twist
Mediocre idea at a meeting	“Bold move! I wouldn’t have thought of that approach.”	Supportive, but… is it?
Attention-seeking outfit	“You always know how to make an impression.”	Leaves them guessing
Interrupts in meetings	“Thank you for your enthusiasm—let’s circle back.”	Polite, but you’re steering the ship
Brags about minor win	“It’s so nice to see you celebrating the little things.”	Diminishes their achievement
Tries to undermine you	“I appreciate your feedback—always keeps me sharp.”	You’re in control, not them

Rules of corporate Zombieland

Start subtle and gauge how people respond; escalate only if it’s safe.

Corporate BDSM shade isn’t about being cruel—it’s about demonstrating power, control, and wit with maximum efficiency and minimum risk. Keep it subtle, keep it smart. You’re not here to be liked. You’re here to be respected and remembered. Most dogs will try to chomp a hedgehog once, not twice. Be a hedgehog.

Work Wit: Your Tactical Repartée Kit